Hopeless…

It’s my friend’s wedding on Saturday and I’m 651.99 miles away. I feel so - I dunno, useless. I’m such a bad friend. Yes, I think I am.

My Sunday With Jennifer Garner

God I wish it was really a Sunday with Jennifer Garner in person. Unfortunately it’s not - well, not really. I downloaded her movie 13 Going On 30 last Friday. It’s not that I haven’t watched it yet (mind you, I’ve watched it like more than fifteen times already when I was still in Davao) I just miss seeing her on screen. I never had enough of her since Alias days and seeing her on the big screen is like a fantasy. Okay, do I sound like a stalker or obsessed now? My bad, my emotions are taking over me again. Anyway, watching her movie made my day and I just can’t wait for her movie Ghost of Girlfriends Past to come out on the 1st of May. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeen! Okay Louver, enough!

Here Comes Weekend

…another couple of days to plunge into getting lost and wandering in the abyss of self degradation and resentment. I’ve been keeping my self busy lately. I’m indulging into things more than what I can handle. Maybe I just want to see me to my limits - until when can I juggle things. Oh well, whatever.

Uhm, Unappreciated

Day nine of decay. Thus, concludes my longest separation from the noisy-polluted-I-just-wanna-go-home place I’m stuck in. It seems like the days went by slower than usual. It was supposed to be a series of reflection for me. Well, it didn’t go as planned. I did realize something though; that I’m so unappreciated. Gah, it mustn’t be a surprise anymore. Yes, I’m dipping my feet in the pit of piteous thinking again. Who cares anyway?

Darker Than Black Saturday

Day eight of pity. I woke up with the bitterness within my eyes. I must have cried myself to sleep last night. I dunno, I can barely remember anything; or I refuse to. It gets to me every time. I don’t like who I’m seeing in the mirror - maybe I never did.

So Unworthy

Day seven of rejection. As day passes by I grow weaker and weaker inside. There’s no reason anymore (again). I wanted to cry out loud until all the tears go dry. No matter how I force myself to look at the bright side there’s no use - not even a spark. I’m tired. So tired…

Of all the days in the year, this is the time when I feel so loved yet so unworthy… Maybe I’m just not worth it.

I’m Going Home, But Can’t…

Day six of yearning. I’m lonely. I feel so alone. I never have wanted to go home this much… I drove my bestfriend to the airport early this morning. Deep inside I was jealous because I really wanted to go home too. God knows how much I miss Davao and my hometown. I’ve been wanting to see the person who kept me going all these times; but I can’t. It hurts me so much because there’s nothing I can do but dream. I feel heavy.  I really do.

And It’s Tearing Me Apart

Day five of loneliness. It was a crazy day, I was battling with my self. Every day is a struggle for me. Every day I have to convince myself that I’m doing okay. Truth is, I’m slowly crumbling down. It’s like a long goodbye to a lover or someone you don’t want to leave or can’t leave without - and it’s killing me. Nobody there… Nobody.